SPIKE RECEIPT HOLDERS 

Thanks to recycling, spike receipt holders now descend from anything metallic, from paper clips to cars, and thus carry their souls. True evil holders from the past, forged from virgin steel with the specific purpose of stabbing innocent receipts and memos are found only in antique stores or offices that haven’t been renovated in decades, and are probably blunt.

A spike holder recycled from a pair of scizzors, for instance, has no idea why it’s putting holes through paper, instead of cutting it.

A recycled steel paper tray could be driven to insanity by having to impale the very things it was conceived to protect.

Even recycled frying pans, hardened by the hellish reality of stovetops, can’t understand what kind of dish you get by skewering pieces of paper.

As expected, recycled swords and hunting knives experience a much smoother transition into their new role.