UMBRELLAS 

Umbrellas don’t know they’re umbrellas. Umbrellas think they’re bats; the similarity between their ribs and bats’ fingers extending under black “wings” is certainly at the root of the misconception.

Ironically, umbrellas come out when the rain falls, but they can’t get any water. Umbrellas are made of waterproof materials that make the rain bounce off of them. Umbrellas are always thirsty, and often become dehydrated.

The lifespan of umbrellas is relatively short. While their canopies are remarkably durable, their mechanisms are fragile. When unable to open, optimistic umbrellas might find new ways to be useful, serving as walking canes or devices of self-defense.

The great majority, though, end up taking their own lives: the tragic view of umbrellas turned inside out in garbage cans is all too common these days.