FOOTBALLS 

New York (Reuters) — A football was run over by a black Tesla at 9:36 a.m. today on 68th and Madison. Contrary to the old adage “behind a ball there is always a child,” in this case there was no child. Although several witnesses were on the scene at this busy hour, nobody could say for sure where the ball came from. Police speculated that it could have been dropped from the window of a building or a car.

After close examination, forensics declared the ball unrepairable, since its bladder had exploded and all of its seams had bursted under the weight of the vehicle. Textured leather panels were scattered on the pavement as far as 100 yards from the site of the accident.

“Soccer balls, basketballs, baseballs and even golf balls are often victims of hit and run accidents like this one,” bureau chief Muller of the NYPD said, “typically, drivers don’t feel obligated to stop and help the injured spheres.”